Friday, July 10, 2020

slowly changing

So this is the 2nd week I'm living in this house...and a full week for me being here alone... I just finish a full week of training... and slowly adapting to this new environment... the new system... the new life... this evening I had a 1:1 session with my counselor... after knowing that I'm living alone, she was shocked and asked whether I feel lonely cause some of her seniors did mentioned that they can't do their work well as they feel lonely and lack of human interactions somehow affects them... Well! I would be lying if I said that I am not lonely... there are times especially at night when I was watching tv then suddenly my tears start falling Tuk Tuk Tuk... without warning without reasons hahaha... there are also times where I had dreams that includes people that makes me wake up in tears and etc... but what can I really do? as mentioned in previous post I can't keep relying on my family members as I grow older... It is time for me to venture my own world, create my own path... find my own style, create my own brand... Of course I am scared, I am anxious, I am nervous... there are tons of things going on in my mind... in fact as I type this there are list of things that I feel like I need to do tomorrow...this thought makes me realize again and again how wonderful my parents are... I might not have such a high goals anymore but I think to be able to live like both of parents, sharing a bit of their traits are enough... however, my counselor also mentioned how brave I am for living alone for the first time... It is true.. in life there is no definite answer... some people may describe my choices as braveness, while some may also describe it as stupidity...but at the end what matters is how I define it..cause after all this is My Life~