Thursday, September 5, 2019

let go or hold on

Wow! being anak Watie and Arman...I seriously can't run from being an overthinking gurl~ been wanting to write posts revealing everything, but one part of my brain decided to just keep the detail hidden at the back of my mind...well it is better that way..after all, people aren't bothered to know the truth...
*Disclaimer* whether this post is the truth or not..i let u be the judge of it freely..however, to me as the witness to the matter..and most probably one of the most updated people about the issue..this is the truth that I will reveal..what will be written is strictly from my own judgement without any influence from people around me..purely due to the situation and solely from what I witness and think..Thus, any hurtful remark (including sarcasm) posted will be my responsibility and my sin alone~ Oh! this post is not for us to seek sympathy or comfort from others...I post this as a memory..a life lesson about human..a hard truth about "family"

I have heavy thoughts to reveal this issue at first..as it may seem that I'm spreading bad things about my "family" and etc. but since I think of this blog as my personal diary~ I DON'T CARE~ and why not keeping this post as a draft..well cause that means I'm concealing the truth rather than revealing it rite?! But after a few more thinking process, I think I will only share what we went through for the past 2 months or so..leaving all the nasty details for u guys to imagine...having some fictional fantasy aspect in life wasn't that bad right...I mean it allows me to feel like the main character in a movie...

So in my last post, I did mention about Sinetron remember~? I said that I will not share about it in the last post..honestly, I have no thoughts to share it in any posts, BUT! things get worse and too far that affect our lives in a way that is kinda impossible to be the same as it used too again..so I decided to not give a **** to what people will say about this and share this post.

maybe benda ni drag dah lama..ask me personally I don't know punca asal, how it starts, why it starts and prolong and when it all starts..which makes it look even more stupid than it already is...I've spent more than 5 hours contemplating how to start my story...there are tons of pictures to share..so let the pics speak for themselves...

This is where it all started... my mom and dad work their *** off to clear this house...despite all his work throughout the week..they spent their weekend to clean and make that house look new..keeping all the nostalgia and memory intact, giving a slightly new touch to it may not appeal much to others...thus,explain the lack of appreciation for their pain and sweat...but it's okay, as at the end of the day we are the one living in it...as long as we appreciate the process and results that are all that matters...at least that is what I thought..hahah I guess not! cause it didn't take long for all the effort to go downhill...skipping all the nasty fantasy as promised..we moved to another house not far from this house..in fact, it takes just a few steps away from the house...I guess my family "loves" to exercise so we feel like our new home sweet home is in a walking distance...cause others obviously act like we moved to another country to be in contact with us...hahaha..anyway witnessing the situation of our new home originally, made me feel grateful that I've grown up and matured~a bit...if not! I dare say, I won't step in the house let alone sleep in it... 
ni pun dah kinda clean
trust me bawah almari tu ada rangka anak kucing...yup
after dah sapu2 sikit
toilet yang comel ni ahahha
segalanya bermula disini muahahaha
ni dapuq ajaib
pintu super secure ni pun banyak hari gak la baru tukaq
ni pun security door gak..nampak kerusi tu guardpost hahaha

orang yang mai hantaq gambaq siap cakap kat boss dia.."rumah ni siap hutan masuk rumah ahahha"
almari, mesin jahit and tah laa 
main room...the only room we can sleep in on our first day in
first electric appliance bought
sampah ni la yang kena ulang alik usung buang
hutan belantara di depan rumah
part of missing atap...
we went through a lot to turn this HOME into a nice comfy place to live in... Luckily we met 4 guys to help clear away the trashes...at least works that we expect to take a few days to complete, completed in only 2 days...nobody knows how we sleep or eat during that period...ahak! just kidding..they still don't know what happened now hahaha...bumbung berlubang, air macam kena catuan..tengah malam awai pagi baru boleh guna..sinki dapuq tak boleh guna so kena basuh pinggan mangkuk kat toilet..toilet lubang saluran air tersumbat so mandi pun dekat area jamban...to me it is a new nice experience though hahaha...bila lagi kan nak merasa keadaan macam tu...but for those yang tak merasa but act like they do...my word to these people "Keep ur Sh** to urself~Plz!"
start to brighten our house with a few basic necessities
our view...sangkar tu dah takda laa skarang
pak kami posing u~
hujan~so one of the only working plug kena balut 
yup malam berlapikkan laymat...berbantalkan comforter and bags
my parents woke up multiple times...sakit belakang, batuk2...no one care about that...sebab maklumlaa I learnt that kami ni keluarga relak laa, takpa laa...dari bapak,mak ke anak...everyone akan cakap benda yang sama...ampa tak pa laa...huh! funny right? NO!
aktiviti malam ahaha
another activity jugak...memang muka pak kami macam sakit..but no worries he is fune muahahaha
Those guys that help us to clear the house...came back a few weeks after to help clear our lawn(?)...
process extending another bathroom...sementara nak tunggu tukaq toilet cangkung tu ke toilet duduk at least ada la extra...yang lawaknya, doing something to upgrade our lifestyle triggers other party..bahaha..takpa laa extension room ni tak menganggu area orang lain pun
mengekalkan old skool vibe...konon~
hahaha hasil kerja pak mahadi...nama sebenaq bukhori
toilet yang tersumbat
proses tergendala...musim hujan lebat
robohkan dinding itu
this is just a jaguar figure...previously
mom's view
our small creative idea...came true~
interrogation light for the hallway to extended toilet
new dining area
sebabkan lecah so terpaksa tambun tanah ngan bata
comel tak mail box~berkonsepkan jepun kuno gituu
mom n dad's room
from penang to kedah
suma kasi balik sana
condition di penang selepas diterjah muahahah
udah nyampehh
makan2 bro2 yang hantaq barang
my room!!!!!
alang part time hahahah
ni bukti study sambil teman mama hekhok
mom's kitchen
our living room
peneman mama
setiap sekoq mewakili kami anak beranak
baloo and bagheraa
high ceiling..my dream...kampung vibe..my style hahaha
store area abah hahaha..tak kemas habih lagi
last final...I kinda ruin my study path...I failed a paper...so I came back for a short while, then after my new sem started, I attend the class for like 2 weeks and I was given a week break again...so I decided to come back~Again hahahah...but this time I came back to help with some artwork...

Now, well I would say that we have settled down and comfortable with our lives...trying our best to mind our own lives...reminding ourselves to move on and ignore all the obstacles that block our path...it is not easy~it still hurts...sadly, I don't know, my heart now is filled with hatred, frustration, disappointment...when everything started, I take things positively hoping for changes, miracles maybe, to happen...but as I mentioned things get worse...these people they should have stopped when they mess with my mom...cause I still can understand their POV...but when they cross the line and mess with my dad also...that's it..I said it before and I say it again, once you mess with my family...don't question my attitude towards you...I guess it is true, it takes more courage to let go than to hold on...and I am building my courage to face all these petty people...to end this on a good note~ I am currently enjoying my holiday hohoho...chau~