So..wow...soo long since the last time I actually touch my laptop...aww I missed you so much WeiWei ahahaha acah ngat..so not sure if I've mentioned this in any of my previous post but yeah currently I'm back in AmBank core team..the different this time is that there are new tasks assigned..and since this time around I'm doing full year end audit instead of a Limited Review..so my task should be more detailed compared to previous workdone..but my poor performance as always lead to some lacking outcome/results.. but yeah..working paper major phases has passed..currently we are doing the FS checking cause BNM submission will be on Monday morning..so any comments/amendments to the FS need to be raised and addressed accordingly in the remaining days.. honestly I don't know what to share..too many things happened for the past few days...and of course there are days that I just let out my emotion to Abah..which I actually promised myself to stop doing so...I think it has been a few engagements now since the last time I actually let out my true emotion/feeling to my parents..I feel like it is no longer the age for me to share every single detail of what happen in my daily life with both of my parents.. so no matter how bad my day is..if I do call my parents I tend to share more on random news..or maybe a short "fun" time with my teammates rather than the detail of the stress I'm facing... and I learn to accept the fact that my parents can understand when I'm unable to call them everyday like I use too.. cause there are days back then where I feel like my parents doesn't care about my wellbeing..but my bro just put some sense in me saying that... it is not like they are not worried..it is just that they are giving us space to have/build our own life...so yeahh..but as someone that used to have a place to share my thoughts, my routine..every single detail of events that occurs in my daily life to someone..and suddenly stop doing so.. it sadly does put a toll in me...maybe another reason for it is because I'm staying here alone..and I'm not the type to actually reach out to "friend" and share my problem with others...but at the same time I don't want to continuously burden my family with my inexperience adventure..hearing my so called issue which actually is a normal things for everyone that is entering this path of their life...so thanks to that, I ended up pushing myself, I guess...thus, leading to another "breakdown" session with Abah...I'm thankful for having such a supportive and understanding parents...and yes, pretty sure not just my parents..but when Abah told me that he knows when I shared all my happy moments and Mama kinda grateful that I seems ok..he knows that I do have some issue that I'm hiding from them..and having him to reassure me that it's ok to share my problems with him because he will always know and understand how I feel..I just can't say it enough how much I love my parents and missed them soo muchhh..I know we can't see each other this Raya thanks to Covid and PKP..but I do hope in the next few months..my next holiday I get to go back and we can have a nice family time again...
Since I've mentioned about Raya...yup currently we are in Ramadhan..so my first Ramadhan in my working life is during my first peak engagement..wow what a great timing -_-... and as mentioned..my first Raya since I've started working is without my family..nice T-T... I'm not that excited for Raya anymore but I'm really looking forward to my holiday cause...Gurl~ I need that break!!...hahah nowadays I don't even realise whether it is a weekend or a weekdays..we have been pushing ourselves to get things done ASAP for the past few weeks...really hope it ends well this time..just a bit more I hope.. there's also one more thing that has been at the back of my mind for the past few days..and last night during my 5 hours phone call with Along, we did discuss a bit about this...so a few days ago I've been sharing my to do list during Raya since I can't go back...so I'm planning to cook some Raya dish and list out all the menu I'm thinking of making for Raya.. from that status post, my aunty reply with an invitation to her house during Raya...it's a mix feeling reply though... well to me at least..part of me feels like it is not a bad idea to accept her offer, cause yeah since I'm here..might as well go to "relatives" houses instead..and at least it shows that I'm not the one trying to stop the relationship or anything..I'm not even the right level to join in the matter..and also hopefully it can give some credits to my parents for raising us to respect our elderly as such...but another part of me feels it will be unfair to my parents..having known what happen, although they may seems fine with it but who knows deep down how affected will they be..I want to stop pointing fingers but at the same time I also want people to stop giving my parents the side-eye...I won't forget what happen..I'm not that kind, I may be fragile but I'm scared that deep inside I'm filled with revenge and hatred instead... plus not knowing what I'll be facing is the reason I'm having this thoughts... actually during my call with Along..he kinda help me to take one more step in the decision making route..but yeah..I guess we can only see how it goes...I mean we can only plan He is the greatest planner..
To be honest I just made this post because I missed to type on this keyboard some real words instead of work related phrases and numbers hahahah.. so to end this on a good note.. I hope nothing much happen tomorrow..so I can go to do some laundry, do some groceries and stop by Big Bad Wolf maybe hehehe... but I think even if I do go out tomorrow it won't be for long..probably latest by 2pm I'll be back in front of my laptop ahahahha..but yeah hope everything is fine..and we can get a bit of me time tomorrow...adios!~
