double 2 in 2020

Officially 22, this year I'm celebrating my birthday alone in this cute home... so let's start with appreciation corner hahaha... so last night the first person to message me is none other than my sister, Kak Ifah... seawal 11:37pm kau~... sebab kak kami kena tidoq awai tapi tak mau terlepas jadi part of early wisher crew hahahah... But Ina pun end up tidoq awai jugak semalam..sebab saya pun bekerja ok pagi ni... so all the wishes received last night dibalas pagi ni... so thank you to Dhanya and Fatin for the early wish... tak expect pun actually especially from both of you sebab..well dah berapa lama kan we "lost" contact... dah berapa lama we have no idea about each others update...tapi tu la...as time went by, I don't care about all this anymore...to everyone that used to know me, I've told you once before, as long as you are willing to talk/chat/meet/whatever with me, I can be cool with you guys...anyway put that aside... siapa lagi yang wish...hmmm oh yeah thank you jugak Faiz walaupun as always with his weird meme HUH!... and then JENG JENG!! thank you for always reaching out to me, and for treating me like a buddy...after all these years...siapa sangka lawak2 15 years kot~ hahaha...let's keep the number going...hope to see you soon, boleh la gebang about others lagi hahahah...moving on, thank you to Naqibah my twin hahaha we share the same birthdate..and we find out about this fact during our orientation weeks in Intec... thanks to that, kitorang end up berkawan laa...Oh yeah almost forget, thank you jugak to Kak Nad for the wishes through Alang...and to everyone that wishes through Mama's Facebook post... appreciate all the wishes and blessings...Special thanks to Hazirah, effort kau buat videoeh, dah la guna lagu Ost Go Go Squid hahaha... thank u weyh, aku doakan kau dimurahkan rezeki, dipermudahkan segala urusan kau...insyallah kau boleh dapat apa yang kau nak... jangan stop usaha, jangan persoal kelayakan kau..sebab aku yang nampak usaha kau, aku berani cakap...kau layak untuk dapat apa yang kau impikan.. tinggal yakin dengan percaturan Nya, kita hanya mampu merancang, Dia lebih mengetahui..banyak bersabar ja... tapi apa2 pun aku tau kau sayang aku ahahahaha..buktinya,ni dah vid keberapa kau edit untuk aku hahah 

Done with that general plus special appreciation post, now masa untuk emotional skit hahahaha maklum la saya sensorang disini so melayan emosi ja la mampu~ hehe.. anyway... I woke up this morning with tears and that is thanks to Along and Mama... as mentioned in my previous posts, I've been through, I will say it is, my first obstacles for the past few weeks...and this small family of mine is the only person that knows what happened, concern about my wellbeing and always be there for me with all the supports and advices that I need... and I really need them to put me back in my place... to keep my head held high... to be more positive and ready to face this challenges head on... Thank you again Mama, Abah, Along, Kak Ifah, Alang for being there when I need you guys the most... no matter how late I reach out to you...you guys seems to always be there pulling me into your warm embrace and makes me feel secure again...I don't know how many times I should write this to let you know how much I love to be part of this family, how much I appreciate having you guys as my parents and siblings... how lucky I am to be the youngest and the only daughter to receive all these support and encouragement from all of you...

Love you my guardian angel

real tsundere style bro.. he seems to not care at time.. but once he does I can't take it..T_T

thank you Mama and Abah for this new toys

just a simple beef, potato n carrot dish to celebrate my birthday.

Abah remind me again about this yesterday... in order for us to be happy in life, the only thing we need is.. Grateful...be grateful and you will see that life is not always unfair/hectic/stressful... life in unpredictable but that what makes life more fun and interesting... at least it makes you anticipate tomorrow more after all the things that happened today or yesterday... 

Reena, I just want to wish you a happy birthday...I pray that you can be who you wanted to be while staying true to yourself... remember all the obstacles, challenges and struggles that lead you to where you are now... and let's not forget all the joy, cheers, blessing you received as they are those that make sure you remain at the right path.

Let stop all this nonsense

 As mentioned in my previous posts... I went through another journey of my life, facing a new challenge that triggers all the negativity in me to show themselves proudly... thanks to that, my parent ended up visiting me here... in fact a day before they came here.. I had my final breakdown... an engagement that I thought will end once my booking period is over seems to be endless then... I make a lot of mistakes, like really stupid mistake...I wasn't careful and meticulous enough in doing my work which makes it appear like all I did throughout the week is wasting everyone's time... not just that, at the same time, I feel like all of my effort and hard work around the clock gone to waste as it didn't help to progress my reviewer's work... well that is all my negativity talking of course... I tried to justify my wrongdoing by saying that it is normal for a newcomer to make mistake.. someone should understand that you can't get it right at the very first try... just like how I mentioned in my first semester in Intec... There is Always a first for everything... but yeah the pressure is real... I'm not even kidding when I say, that my whole body start shaking every morning, every time I saw my reviewer's status is available... let's not even mention when she decided to call me all of a sudden... but lucky me, despite all the tension that I felt, I am blessed with a supportive teammate and of course a kind enough reviewer that help to correct all of my mistakes... of course throughout the engagement I do think some of her action is ridiculous and hard to predict.. but at the end of the day, she helps me a lot to prepare my work the way it should be prepared... currently, I don't know whether I've completed my part or not...after the meeting she had with our partner last Friday, I didn't received any update on that, I just keep on updating her in regards to all the documents that are still pending from client...maybe because I tell her about my parents being with me throughout the weekend... she stop contacting me since Friday till now.. hopefully she continue doing so hahahah... what is left now is just for me to follow up with client about all the pending documents... this Monday, I'll be having another meeting with my new engagement team.. this time, I'll be in an engagement till October... so hopefully, I understand better on what to do, what to expect, I am able to be more prepared, matured and of course be more stable in both my mental and physical state... 

Now let's talk about my family... my parents has been with me throughout my engagement, everyday my mom and sometimes my dad will hear my complaints, comfort my unstable thoughts, shares experiences they went through or heard from their friend.. helping me to understand.. that what I am going through now is a normal growing up process in life... them being here honestly calm me down.. a lot.. I really wish that, I can go on with my work without having to make them worry anymore about me... I really hope that I can learn to balance my life well so that they can at least know that I am staying healthy and happy in between all of the workload... They have sacrifice a lot for me and I really hope that I can repay that as soon as possible... I really wish that I become stronger and more reliable... I really want to erase that weak, spoilt, childish, "high maintenance" image that people have about me... I really do.. I know I can, so please give me more chances and time to change myself... to my brothers and sister... you guys help me in your own way... all the video call, random chat at night, calls we had may be just a simple act as brothers and sister to you guys.. but it means a lot to me.. at least in between all those tears during the weeks.. I had a good laugh and of course some great screenshot of your funny faces too... I may not show my emotion well.. but one thing for sure is... I love being in our family... this small family of mine... thanks for coming along with me in this small journey~ <3