One of my dad advice before I started working is... "It's okay to be selfish"..at that time as someone who just want to start a career obviously I couldn't understand or agree with him... I mean, how can I build a good personal branding with that attitude or mindset... but now I think I know what he means... he's not telling me to be that kind of person but rather to think of myself first before anything else... The problem here though is that I'm still unsure where to draw the line, between potraying a good teamwork and being taken advantage off... hiding behind the facts that my work involved working as a team, and helping one another can benefit not just the whole team but also to myself... I don't know, lately I feel like I'm being taken advantage off rather than having that sense of belonging within the team itself... Yes, Alhamdulillah this month I've progressed into a new rank staff... so obviously more responsibility is expected and more pressure is waiting for me... however, I don't think that is an excuse for me to start jeopardizing my own timing to fit others schedule... I already finish my work, well at least the major parts within the dateline despite having trainings to attend or e-learnings to settle in between the timeline... I didn't force myself burning midnight oil to create more time to takeover others work... I am new too, I am blur too, I need to figure out a few things on my own too... I didn't go through all those headache or chest pain for nothing, I did it hoping to produce the best outcome for the Team... people simply "stating oh you're good, you're able to do so I knew it" doesn't mean anything if that's the excuse you guys are using to put more expectation and continuously take advantage of me... but then again, my mind will go back to... "No Arfa, this is just part of the journey, everyone above you went through the same things before... It is just part of the hurdles that you need to face to reach your goals and dream"... and here I am back to the self blaming hole... for being so weak, guilty conscious burying me deeper and deeper... Due to your sudden "selfish" concept/mindset your team may be in bigger trouble... but seriously I am not sure anymore... I am kinda tired, one thing for sure is that... for this past few months, I am not being myself and I Hate It!... I just hope I am able to finish this chapter on a good note, and start a new one with a better version of myself.
