speechless day

seriously..i didnt expect things to be this way..or maybe i did but not this fast..2 death of my tiny furry buddy in a day is just too much...i slept too long..i guess it is my fault..i dont know what to say or what to do..i stay awake till 2..but the little one still refused to drink...and continue to sleep..afraid to disturb it..i let it sleep..and feed the other one..once they slept..i decided to take a nap..thats my mistake..i should stay awake and try my best n forced the little one to drink..i woke up again around 4..one of them started to meow..i guess i overslept..maybe they are extremely hungry or something..but then i realise the small one still remain silent..i put the tip of the bottle near its mouth..but it is not moving..when i removed the bottle..the mouth was opened and wont close..something definitely wrong..at that moment i could only cry..i wanted to call my mom but i wanted to wait a little longer..430-445..i still cant accept the fact..so i said to myself..lets wait till mom wakes up..she should be awake around 5..but then i didnt here any door sound that tells me shes awake..and keep waiting with hopes the little one still with me..then i cant wait no more..i sent a message asking her to come to my room..n bye2 to the small one..but then the other one..its different we have hope in it..cause it is active and drink a lot..eat n poop like normal kitten should be...but then all of a sudden..every time we tried to feed it...failed..we thought maybe we feed it too much earlier and let it sleep..i didnt expect the exact same thing to happen twice in a day..the other one refuse to eat..to open its mouth..then suddenly..frozen just like the small one earlier..i know whats happening..but again i have no courage to voice it out..i put the bottle at its mouth one last time..and call my mom(actually in the same room)..then she said..it is leaving us..guess it is better that way rather then suffering him now..so there is nothing i can do..although it is just for 3 days..maybe my passion for cats make me like this..it is awkward to cry but i cant help feeling pain in my chest..i have to accept it anyway..gudbye furry buddy..thank u for the past 3 days...~T_T~