mature level up

Haritu ada dengaq someone cakap benda ni..tapi tak ingat sapa..yang pasti waktu tu dalam kepala dah set this is a nice thing to be added in my blog hahaha..so ayat dia cam ni "no more teen years"..get it?..after this we are moving into "mature" year as this will be the end of the "teen" years..genuinely impressed with everything that happened throughout the year..betoi la orang kata obstacles and challenges bring out the maturity in life..thus at the end of 2000-9teen..I will accept everything that happened to me and my family as a hint that 2020 will greet us with more maturity..will leave a wider room for self-improvement and bigger windows to view pictures of lives and maybe install an elevator that can take us to the (roof)top while at the same time, acknowledging that there will be days that we need to get back to the ground floor...cause that is where we usually park our car hehe...and a place where we realise there are other people around us that we should be mindful of...oh! once you park your car make sure to bring along your goals and dreams..leaving it behind may expose it to theft..this year has proven that insecurity can be deadly..don't allow the negativity to sneak into your room, so make sure security alarm is always turned on...and lastly...make sure your door is always open to welcome your loved ones...this year I realised that loved ones can leave you anytime...but as I said those things were merely a step to make me stronger and more mature...so stop with this motivational session hahaha...in less than 3 months I'll be sitting for my final Finals...I hope everything went well and smoothly...so tadi baru ingat nak post ngarut2 tapi lepas perah otak bagi TEDtalk kat atas tu hahaha...kita ngarut tempat lain ja laa..so Goodbye 2019 Hello 2020~ mungkin esok kereta start terbang..hmmm~~

Ready to fly?

December is approaching, 3 months all that left for me to prepare myself to face the real world... The so-called adult world... To face a new set of challenges... To end my trilogy series as a student and start with a new series of journey in building a career... To stop wandering in the tunnel and start reaching for the light... To realise my dreams and achieve my goals...and most importantly to repay my loved one for their constant love and support given throughout this small journey of mine...

A lot went through my mind last night as I prepare my resume... Is this template ok? Will it be attractive enough? Does this resume show my value? Did I waste my time all this while? Cause seriously I have nothing to brag about in my resume... My dad voice came into my mind "chill, take one step at a time"... Then this thought follows.. "yeah there's always a first time in everything we do, it can't be perfect from the start"...after all that is human's nature, we will never be satisfied with what we have. Thus, even if it is "perfect" we will never realise it...

I'm trying to be a bit more positive than I was yesterday; everyday.. A few months ago things become so dull to me...doing the same things out of habit, routine that makes me a super boring girl...in fact I can feel the emptiness in me as days past by...The situation somehow makes me put layers of mask to cover up everything..but I hate it... I guess even being a faker is not for everyone...But everything that happened proof to me one thing, Allah is the greatest planner and yes! Everything happened for a reason.. It is only a matter of time for us to understand or realise the reasons.

And so, to sum up this post, yup I'm entering into the "Real World" in 3 months time, praying that I'll pass the remaining 2 papers in March sitting...hoping that soon I can lift of one of my dad's burden and put a longlasting smile on my mom's face with my achievements... To my housemates that will be sitting for your finals next week.. BEST OF LUCK ~ may all your hard works paid off...especially to Hazirah...Bright future waiting for you, so no worries "setan kecik" you can do this sh*t.. 걱정하지말고, 긴장풀리고. 너 할수있어. 화이팅!!

Increasing my debt

Haha exaggerated sgt title..but yes actually.. It is true hahaha..so kisahnya, my parents decide to go for a week (5days) holiday..as always kena la tengok anak kesayangan dulu before start the trip kan..despite ina ada exam next week, I choose to spend time with them instead.. Hehe sorry madam2 skalian tapi I still study~kot...anyway mama gitau about the trip since a month or so..trust me since then, I can't stop thinking about it..the excitement is beyond anything i can think of now..macam la lama sgt tk jumpa..tapi tah maybe nak ujung2 ni feel macam baru masuk blajaq mai balik..rather than severe homesick cam awai2 dulu, this time it is more to having the urge and need to see their faces..Ina maybe jenis yang bercerita but as I grow older, there are times that I hide my inner thoughts rather than sharing it with them..so I feel like spending time together and stop worrying about any stresses or pressures that have been dampening our moods all this while is something that i will ALWAYS look forward to..back to the story, depa amik ina pukul 12 hari Sabtu lepas, then kami buang masa kat Sunway..entah la kul brapa tah bru head back to hotel.. This time mama book Concorde reason dia nak bagi ina and abah dapat feel Pokya Concodey~ hahaha..lepas lepak kat bilik sat malam tu kami jalan kaki cari makan.. Sebab kedai makan ada ja sekeliling tu...kedai ada tapi nak makan apa tu yang tak tau kami end up pusing satu kawasan la jugak before decided to makan kat Satay Station..sambil makan sambil serious talk suma..balik bilik lepas mandi ada yang dah pengsan, ada yang acah macam tak pengsan and ada yang ACAH2 study..hehe..esok pagi subuh tu mama almost semput, batuk bagai...then kami turun untuk breakfast, sambil makan sambil mengata orang and the service hahahah..before hantaq ina kami singgah aeon shah alam and central Icity.. Haaa part ni la main title dia hahaha panjangkan intro..before that jom buat short backstory lu~
Cerita dia dari a few months ago fon Sony Xperia XZ ina buat hal...start dengan tak sampai 40% dia mati and tak leh restart kalau tk charge then makin lama makin truk...ckp kat abah dah sebelum ni.. Nak tukaq fon tpi tunggu habis ACCA la..but then since it gets worse (60%-70%) dah mati, statement tu tukaq jadi hujung taun ni la nak tukaq.. BUT since abah mai awai sebulan hmm..and nak jadi dramanya tengah tunjuk benda kat abah dia mati...haih saja nak tunjuk la tu hekhekhek.. So dekat Central tu abah dah tanya nak fon apa suma..ina mana la nak tau ada la check out vivo sebelum ni..then tanya orang depa cakap klau paling ok now Huawei la..oh reason dia I have rejected Iphone n Samsung dari awai...so yeahh..lpas tu trus straight ke kedai Huawei..tanya and stuff abah trus cam...k pilih la selesai siap2.. I was like whattt?!! NOW.. Tak leh ka jalan2 pikiaq lu..but since waktu tu pun dah pukul 1-2 camtu depa kinda kalut nak make a move jugak to Melaka..so tak mau drag the time buat la keputusan kat situ jugak...and thus, increase my debt to both my beloved parents..I will finish this quick and land myself a stable work..build a career that allow me to repay everything back to both of you.. Please wait just a little bit more...take care cause both of you have to be the first to witness my success..Thanks abah and mama..be back this December ~muahh!

Huawei Nova5T

Capturing the moment

Ignore la muka kembang tu bila bahagia memang cmtu

Waduh2 helok2 la family ni.. Haih laa

Dpat free gift stainless steel bottle and charger

My new case hehe

Stock untuk winter hibernate

let go or hold on

Wow! being anak Watie and Arman...I seriously can't run from being an overthinking gurl~ been wanting to write posts revealing everything, but one part of my brain decided to just keep the detail hidden at the back of my mind...well it is better that way..after all, people aren't bothered to know the truth...

*Disclaimer* whether this post is the truth or not..i let u be the judge of it freely..however, to me as the witness to the matter..and most probably one of the most updated people about the issue..this is the truth that I will reveal..what will be written is strictly from my own judgement without any influence from people around me..purely due to the situation and solely from what I witness and think..Thus, any hurtful remark (including sarcasm) posted will be my responsibility and my sin alone~ Oh! this post is not for us to seek sympathy or comfort from others...I post this as a memory..a life lesson about human..a hard truth about "family"

I have heavy thoughts to reveal this issue at first..as it may seem that I'm spreading bad things about my "family" and etc. but since I think of this blog as my personal diary~ I DON'T CARE~ and why not keeping this post as a draft..well cause that means I'm concealing the truth rather than revealing it rite?! But after a few more thinking process, I think I will only share what we went through for the past 2 months or so..leaving all the nasty details for u guys to imagine...having some fictional fantasy aspect in life wasn't that bad right...I mean it allows me to feel like the main character in a movie...

So in my last post, I did mention about Sinetron remember~? I said that I will not share about it in the last post..honestly, I have no thoughts to share it in any posts, BUT! things get worse and too far that affect our lives in a way that is kinda impossible to be the same as it used too again..so I decided to not give a **** to what people will say about this and share this post.

maybe benda ni drag dah lama..ask me personally I don't know punca asal, how it starts, why it starts and prolong and when it all starts..which makes it look even more stupid than it already is...I've spent more than 5 hours contemplating how to start my story...there are tons of pictures to share..so let the pics speak for themselves...

 

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This is where it all started... my mom and dad work their *** off to clear this house...despite all his work throughout the week..they spent their weekend to clean and make that house look new..keeping all the nostalgia and memory intact, giving a slightly new touch to it may not appeal much to others...thus,explain the lack of appreciation for their pain and sweat...but it's okay, as at the end of the day we are the one living in it...as long as we appreciate the process and results that are all that matters...at least that is what I thought..hahah I guess not! cause it didn't take long for all the effort to go downhill...skipping all the nasty fantasy as promised..we moved to another house not far from this house..in fact, it takes just a few steps away from the house...I guess my family "loves" to exercise so we feel like our new home sweet home is in a walking distance...cause others obviously act like we moved to another country to be in contact with us...hahaha..anyway witnessing the situation of our new home originally, made me feel grateful that I've grown up and matured~a bit...if not! I dare say, I won't step in the house let alone sleep in it... 

ni pun dah kinda clean

trust me bawah almari tu ada rangka anak kucing...yup

after dah sapu2 sikit

toilet yang comel ni ahahha

segalanya bermula disini muahahaha

ni dapuq ajaib

pintu super secure ni pun banyak hari gak la baru tukaq

ni pun security door gak..nampak kerusi tu guardpost hahaha

orang yang mai hantaq gambaq siap cakap kat boss dia.."rumah ni siap hutan masuk rumah ahahha"

almari, mesin jahit and tah laa 

main room...the only room we can sleep in on our first day in

first electric appliance bought

sampah ni la yang kena ulang alik usung buang

hutan belantara di depan rumah

part of missing atap...

we went through a lot to turn this HOME into a nice comfy place to live in... Luckily we met 4 guys to help clear away the trashes...at least works that we expect to take a few days to complete, completed in only 2 days...nobody knows how we sleep or eat during that period...ahak! just kidding..they still don't know what happened now hahaha...bumbung berlubang, air macam kena catuan..tengah malam awai pagi baru boleh guna..sinki dapuq tak boleh guna so kena basuh pinggan mangkuk kat toilet..toilet lubang saluran air tersumbat so mandi pun dekat area jamban...to me it is a new nice experience though hahaha...bila lagi kan nak merasa keadaan macam tu...but for those yang tak merasa but act like they do...my word to these people "Keep ur Sh** to urself~Plz!"

start to brighten our house with a few basic necessities

our view...sangkar tu dah takda laa skarang

pak kami posing u~

hujan~so one of the only working plug kena balut 

yup malam berlapikkan laymat...berbantalkan comforter and bags

my parents woke up multiple times...sakit belakang, batuk2...no one care about that...sebab maklumlaa I learnt that kami ni keluarga relak laa, takpa laa...dari bapak,mak ke anak...everyone akan cakap benda yang sama...ampa tak pa laa...huh! funny right? NO!

aktiviti malam ahaha

another activity jugak...memang muka pak kami macam sakit..but no worries he is fune muahahaha

Those guys that help us to clear the house...came back a few weeks after to help clear our lawn(?)...

process extending another bathroom...sementara nak tunggu tukaq toilet cangkung tu ke toilet duduk at least ada la extra...yang lawaknya, doing something to upgrade our lifestyle triggers other party..bahaha..takpa laa extension room ni tak menganggu area orang lain pun

mengekalkan old skool vibe...konon~

hahaha hasil kerja pak mahadi...nama sebenaq bukhori

toilet yang tersumbat

proses tergendala...musim hujan lebat

robohkan dinding itu

this is just a jaguar figure...previously

mom's view

our small creative idea...came true~

interrogation light for the hallway to extended toilet

new dining area

sebabkan lecah so terpaksa tambun tanah ngan bata

comel tak mail box~berkonsepkan jepun kuno gituu

mom n dad's room

from penang to kedah

suma kasi balik sana

condition di penang selepas diterjah muahahah

udah nyampehh

makan2 bro2 yang hantaq barang

my room!!!!!

alang part time hahahah

ni bukti study sambil teman mama hekhok

mom's kitchen

our living room

peneman mama

setiap sekoq mewakili kami anak beranak

baloo and bagheraa

high ceiling..my dream...kampung vibe..my style hahaha

store area abah hahaha..tak kemas habih lagi

last final...I kinda ruin my study path...I failed a paper...so I came back for a short while, then after my new sem started, I attend the class for like 2 weeks and I was given a week break again...so I decided to come back~Again hahahah...but this time I came back to help with some artwork...

Now, well I would say that we have settled down and comfortable with our lives...trying our best to mind our own lives...reminding ourselves to move on and ignore all the obstacles that block our path...it is not easy~it still hurts...sadly, I don't know, my heart now is filled with hatred, frustration, disappointment...when everything started, I take things positively hoping for changes, miracles maybe, to happen...but as I mentioned things get worse...these people they should have stopped when they mess with my mom...cause I still can understand their POV...but when they cross the line and mess with my dad also...that's it..I said it before and I say it again, once you mess with my family...don't question my attitude towards you...I guess it is true, it takes more courage to let go than to hold on...and I am building my courage to face all these petty people...to end this on a good note~ I am currently enjoying my holiday hohoho...chau~