As mentioned in my previous posts... I went through another journey of my life, facing a new challenge that triggers all the negativity in me to show themselves proudly... thanks to that, my parent ended up visiting me here... in fact a day before they came here.. I had my final breakdown... an engagement that I thought will end once my booking period is over seems to be endless then... I make a lot of mistakes, like really stupid mistake...I wasn't careful and meticulous enough in doing my work which makes it appear like all I did throughout the week is wasting everyone's time... not just that, at the same time, I feel like all of my effort and hard work around the clock gone to waste as it didn't help to progress my reviewer's work... well that is all my negativity talking of course... I tried to justify my wrongdoing by saying that it is normal for a newcomer to make mistake.. someone should understand that you can't get it right at the very first try... just like how I mentioned in my first semester in Intec... There is Always a first for everything... but yeah the pressure is real... I'm not even kidding when I say, that my whole body start shaking every morning, every time I saw my reviewer's status is available... let's not even mention when she decided to call me all of a sudden... but lucky me, despite all the tension that I felt, I am blessed with a supportive teammate and of course a kind enough reviewer that help to correct all of my mistakes... of course throughout the engagement I do think some of her action is ridiculous and hard to predict.. but at the end of the day, she helps me a lot to prepare my work the way it should be prepared... currently, I don't know whether I've completed my part or not...after the meeting she had with our partner last Friday, I didn't received any update on that, I just keep on updating her in regards to all the documents that are still pending from client...maybe because I tell her about my parents being with me throughout the weekend... she stop contacting me since Friday till now.. hopefully she continue doing so hahahah... what is left now is just for me to follow up with client about all the pending documents... this Monday, I'll be having another meeting with my new engagement team.. this time, I'll be in an engagement till October... so hopefully, I understand better on what to do, what to expect, I am able to be more prepared, matured and of course be more stable in both my mental and physical state...
Now let's talk about my family... my parents has been with me throughout my engagement, everyday my mom and sometimes my dad will hear my complaints, comfort my unstable thoughts, shares experiences they went through or heard from their friend.. helping me to understand.. that what I am going through now is a normal growing up process in life... them being here honestly calm me down.. a lot.. I really wish that, I can go on with my work without having to make them worry anymore about me... I really hope that I can learn to balance my life well so that they can at least know that I am staying healthy and happy in between all of the workload... They have sacrifice a lot for me and I really hope that I can repay that as soon as possible... I really wish that I become stronger and more reliable... I really want to erase that weak, spoilt, childish, "high maintenance" image that people have about me... I really do.. I know I can, so please give me more chances and time to change myself... to my brothers and sister... you guys help me in your own way... all the video call, random chat at night, calls we had may be just a simple act as brothers and sister to you guys.. but it means a lot to me.. at least in between all those tears during the weeks.. I had a good laugh and of course some great screenshot of your funny faces too... I may not show my emotion well.. but one thing for sure is... I love being in our family... this small family of mine... thanks for coming along with me in this small journey~ <3
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