Superior

Wow 2 posts in one day..rare case huh?!..I just found out that tomorrow is a public holiday here in KL...nice huh?! ahah..but I'm not sure whether it's applicable to us or not since there are a few things that my senior asked me to get it done by tomorrow...so now I'm worried that I may not be able to get them done hahaha..anyway that is not the real reason I'm making yet another post today...well I confirmed tomorrow's public holiday from my colleague..let's not share her detail here..but our conversation earlier makes me want to turn my laptop and continue typing here...so I've known her since the very first week I entered this new journey...and for the past few weeks I'm in the same engagement as her..but I joined a bit later, in fact she's actually has been involved with the engagement since last year..so basically she has more experienced in dealing with this client...but client wasn't really an issue here..well we did have some tasks left on hand due to the delay in obtaining the documents..but so far they have been quite responsive..so I would say..they are far from being listed in one of those "nasty client" 's list...however...the issue here is due to my very own nightmare...so back during my first engagement in EY... I went through a series of breakdown right?..and part of it is due to my lack of experience, lack of knowledge in this industry..lack of understanding on how everything is carried out around here..and the biggest portion of it is due to my reviewer..remember?? yup that very same person apparently is her current reviewer for this engagement...Let's name her "Mrs A" and my colleague "Ms N"..I did hold myself from saying bad stuff about Mrs A but really...to know that somebody else has to go through what I went through..for some reason it hurts me again..maybe because of the fact that I know this person, so it affects me in a way or so...honestly I don't even know where to start..cause this nightmare doesn't happen to me but to Ms N.. 

When I joined the engagement, I knew that Ms N has played a big part in managing our works..since she has more experience, having been in the engagement since last year..so some of the higher up kinda depend on her to handle most of the works..but sadly she was assigned to a bit toooo much works...but she pull herself well throughout the engagement..despite all the tasks assigned to her, no matter how busy she is..she still able to help us the newcomers in the engagement to deal with all the jargons and weird workings from client...in fact even before I joined, she has been helping me to chase the client to get some documents earlier, so that by the time I join, I can straight away start my work...and thanks to that, I did finish my tasks quite early...so where is the problem again?? 

Well the problem is her hardwork were not appreciated or acknowledged..Mrs A even give a poor feedback to her, saying things like she didn't perform her job well, her works is incomplete...yadda yadda yadda...but really how do you expect people to complete all the tasks given when normally in such an engagement we are usually booked for only a week or two..but the tasks are for at least a month engagement.. not just that, I may not know well about Ms N work's progress...but I can clearly see how dedicated she was throughout the engagement..all day AND NIGHT..in fact including weekends... to brush off people efforts just like that, it is just super demotivating..and as somebody with a higher position, I find that attitude is a bit improper right?? yes I'm not voicing this concern in the right channel..Yup! I'm just a coward who hides behind this keyboard..but Ms N not like that, cause today she burst!!..thus the true reason why I make this post hahah..

As mentioned, our conversation leads to this post right..so basically our conversation is about her venting her frustration and unfairness regarding Mrs A.. today, SUNDAY..a day that suppose to be an off day to ALMOST EVERYONE...those assigned under Mrs A have to go through another review session..the first review session she had with them was last Thursday..oh yeah another holiday (Thaipusam) a day where people expect to take a break from their work..so they booked Mrs A's time for 30 minutes to 1 hour session each..however Ms N went through the review session from 8am till 11am..yeah...and they have an argument that last for almost 1 hour hahaha..so what it is about? Ms N told me that she just want to hold on to her rights, she said she had enough of Mrs A putting the blame on her and not helping to find solutions to any issues highlighted..she also stated that she mentioned my name and one more colleague that help her out to complete the tasks assigned..Mrs A said something like this instead.."I've give you people, you should take advantage of that"...Ms N was pissed off because she doesn't want to boss us around since we are in the same rank..and as someone that helping her out..honestly I don't mind if she delegate more tasks but having known that Mrs A said something like that, treating us as an object, a tool?! it does sparks some anger in me too..Mrs A expect us to be like her..able to boss others and hoping that everything is settle her way is just absurd...Ms N told me that she had enough and hang up the call with Mrs A stating that their meeting/discussion is going nowhere and only repeating the same thing without having a proper solution..I'm lucky this time around cause my reviewer seriously doesn't say much..it does worries me at time...but I just hope I actually did my job well thus no issue being point out by my reviewer..however, I don't know how I can help Ms N to get out of her negative shell that Mrs A build...she built the same shell around me once...it is painful and something that I wish nobody else face it..sadly, my own friend..have to face the same thing..the same Nightmare...but the only thing I can assure her is that, once she's able to break that shell..she can be stronger and be more prepared both physical and mentally to face the next engagement... her last message to me was that, she feels like a loser, she's ashamed with all of us thinking that she's stupid for not able to get things right..

I'm not a counselor neither a great motivator...but I can tell her this instead...although you may not read my blog..I just want to let you know.. I'm proud of what you did throughout the engagement..I'm impressed with your ability to stand up for yourself..your strength to continue working and performing your tasks despite everything that happened...you may be filled with too many negativity since that is what she has been feeding you with...but put your spoon down for a second and sip some warm tea to calm yourself, look where you are now, where you have guide us, THE WHOLE TEAM...you have shown, at least to me, what a good leader you will be... everybody makes mistake..don't be too harsh on yourself.. we are just a few steps into this journey..there are more steps to take, more paths to follow, more blockage to clear...and of course more memories to make..so take a deep breath..only with a clear mind we can make a wise decision...All the best to you and everyone who's facing similar issue like this.

Goodnight~