Turn into yearly update

I guess, I really has been neglecting my blog hahaha...seems like it will be a post a year kinda thing at this pace hahaha... but yeah.. We've entered a new year... 2023 is here, a few years flew by without I realised... and worst of all, I'm turning 25 this year... and of course, for the past few months I'm filling my life with nothing but continuous lessons... and one major thing that I'm consistently learning right now is expending my circle... I've worked in EY for the past 2 years and 8 months and I can proudly say that I've been recurring in AmBank for at least 10 times now and faced/facing 3 year end audit altogether... and obviously I met a lot of members throughout the engagement period.. and as I move up the rank, I got the chances to interact with more experienced seniors/managers/director and even partners which is totally an honor especially when the interaction doesn't just stop at work related matters... being able to join in the circle of people that I admire and look up too is something I never imagine in the past months/years... and all the things happened in my life thus far makes me continuously building wall around me... but I'm glad how interacting with various "matured" and "ONz" people somehow change me... I still hold on to the principle that people do come and go... but I am still studying to be someone that others can proudly introduced as a friend... I am self aware how self-centered I can be at times...and I am trying to improve myself as I spend more times with people around me... before I start my work here, I have a mindset where I wanted to be somewhere with the least human interaction ever...but surprisingly with the continuous change in the team structure and of course part of EY's own career development, interactions with others are necessary... and I'm not complaining... well there are times where I hope I never meet a certain person ever again... but isn't that just part of life in general.. again back to the concept of people come and go... there's also a saying, there is always a reason for someone to cross path with you in this lifetime, either as a lesson or a reminder... I don't know, I am just happy that there's a lot of things that I am thankful for happens in this past few months...I guess I am re-opening the door that was once closed in my heart with hope that I don't need to close it again anytime soon. To everyone that know me, getting to know me and also to those who choose to forget about my presence...Thank you so much for being part of my journey

2 years

Recently, I found out that 1 of my colleague actually find my blog hahaha.. thank you for reminding me of the existence of this small diary.. it has been too long since I actually has something to share here... There's a lot happened for the past few months but as always I don't have time to update them here.. In fact, unlike my old self, I didn't actually get to share most of what happened with my family... part of me are sad about it... but at the same time I understand that it is part of growing older... a few weeks ago, my parents came over... although my dad didn't say it out loud but I think I kinda hurt their feelings the night they arrived at my house.. well they came over on Friday night, I am well aware of that but since I'm not sure of what time they will arrive, I decide to finish most of my work so that I won't feel as guilty to spend time with them during the weekend...naturally, things get a bit hectic and busy that night and I can only go around 9pm...I know they do understand my work, but I know that is not the right thing to do...but yeah~ eventually we did have a good time together that weekend and we are back to our own schedule soon after... and for me, things did get busier as days went by... 3 weeks left before my leave...we can do it Arfa! so back to the chosen title hahaha... yup, as time fly by, this month hit the 2 years I've worked in EY... I am half excited and half scared... not sure of what to expect in this near future... some of my colleague has started to plan out their next step in other places...but here I am still unsure of what to foresee... where will I be in the next 1-2 years... knowing that the longer I stay, the higher the responsibility, expectation and hopes of others towards me... will I be able to cope with all these fast paced changes, lots of new things to learn, lots of tougher challenges to face. At the end of the day, I can only walk on the path I lay for myself holding on to the strength and courage given by my family along with their prayers to reach the end game... I really have no one other than my family... thank you for the continuous support and love..till we meet again soon. <3

Happy New Year Again~!

 Yes another year just ended and we have step into a new year of 2022. Another year to be filled with hopes and dreams...another memories to create, another adventures to take... and yet again we are still fighting the same villain, the obstacles, hindrances, nightmares, struggles, pains... you named it we'll faced it heads on once again... there's never a break for a hero isn't it hehe... as always let me recap or rather rephrase my adventures in 2021 and how it will help me in 2022 (hopefully)...looking back what happened in 2021..I think it wasn't that bad, although there were hurtful times but if I had to list out all the good things that happened, there are more than expected...some of those that I can name here are.. birthday and anniversary surprises to my fam, able to celebrate Raya alone with some home cooked raya dishes, get a niece, no more scared of jabs hahaha, able to shop my own clothes, progress to a new rank, trusted by my team to handle some of senior's tasks, able to be a "long" distance driver for my sis and friend, feeling appreciated by my friend/sister for considering me as part of her family member on her big day ^-^ and more petty things that subconsciously make me smile in between those tearful days... but more importantly, I'm once again amazed at how the world works... some of these happy days are somewhat repetitive in its own way but they always teach me new things... thus making me feel more open to face more up and down in lives... even the most expected things can give me unexpected lesson what more to say for those unanticipated events hahaha... so welcome 2022 into my small journey... thank you 2021, stay safe and take care~ adios!

Pressing F5 on repeat

 Hallo~ been refreshing my life since a few days back... nothing much really just cleaning my work station, clearing all the pending work... prepare myself for the next quarter... then yesterday finally I'm done with cleaning most area in my house hahaha... change my bedsheet, pick all fallen hairs around my house hahaha... clean my kitchen, my balcony and rearrange my closet... and today I start my day with a proper meal... after so long... I feel like I've been abandoning my wellbeing for quite some times now... and obviously I've been going through some unhealthy lifestyles too during those period... so on that note...I've decided to try gaining back my old pace... let's just end 2021 with a happy moment at least... although what I'll face in the following week onwards wasn't really something fun... but hey, we create our own moments... so if we feel down (like what I'd felt last round) I don't think I can survive here any longer hahaha... so just be happy, enjoy what I'll be doing and regret none..^^

Just a short post hahaha cause I just miss this old moment where I have the time to update my blog and etc hahaha... and I don't know what else to do since I didn't start watching any drama at the moment... I do have a few in my watchlist but let's not start just yet hahahah... I still haven't fully recovered from last round hectic schedule... and seeing the arrangement for this coming quarter, I kinda prepare myself to go through the same sh*t again... so yeah, better make myself as free as possible during the weekend ^-^

New quest, new challenge

 So, by now I think, as long as I didn't mess up, I'll be in AmBank's team throughout my stay in EY hahahaa..so yeah I'm booked again for the next and next quarter of review... but not just that, this coming round, I'll be in treasury again without a direct senior to guide us through....and to make things more challenging, my manager supported by my current senior suggested me to be the "acting senior"... they said that they feel I'm able to do it...so last Friday, we did have a quick call and my senior did guide me a bit on the potential task I need to be extra mindful of in the next round of review... to be honest, I did feel overwhelm..let face it, I only turn as an A2 a few weeks ago.. to be exact on the 1st of October...and there's a high chances that I'll be doing senior work in December?!!.... like hell yes I'm nervous... don't you think that their expectation is quite high by now?.... Am I really able to cope with this?? can I actually deliver a good job... not to mention excellent just a plain job's done status feels far from real at the moment... but yeah, that is part my career progress that I'm looking forward since day 1...and obviously to build a career I do need to face more and more challenges...another quest is another challenge...ready or not we can only knows the outcome once we set our foot on the starting line...So yup! as the daughter of Arman and Wati..press the trigger Ref...I'll be waiting for you at the finishing line with a smile...Insyallah~

well work aside, a few minutes ago, I just bid farewell to my parents again..they came to KL on Friday night for weddings ceremonies today and yesterday...their other objective is also to go to random Japan stores all around KL ahahah..so without knowing their proper plan, I ended up following them to the wedding yesterday...and did some shopping filling up my bed and heart with warmth...I actually just came back from Kedah last week Saturday after spending 2 weeks there... a week before I went back, they did came to KL just to spend some quality time with me...cause yup I've been feeling down back then ahahahah...but farewell is never a happy one...although unlike their last visit which I broke down in tears, this farewell feels no different...I'm just holding back my tears...cause Reena, you still have a lot to handle, and you should be grateful that at least you are able to meet them... you will see them again soon..so till then have a safe journey Ma Bah, and enjoy your day and night....stay safe and take care, love you guys <3...Adios~

Selfish

 One of my dad advice before I started working is... "It's okay to be selfish"..at that time as someone who just want to start a career obviously I couldn't understand or agree with him... I mean, how can I build a good personal branding with that attitude or mindset... but now I think I know what he means... he's not telling me to be that kind of person but rather to think of myself first before anything else... The problem here though is that I'm still unsure where to draw the line, between potraying a good teamwork and being taken advantage off... hiding behind the facts that my work involved working as a team, and helping one another can benefit not just the whole team but also to myself... I don't know, lately I feel like I'm being taken advantage off rather than having that sense of belonging within the team itself... Yes, Alhamdulillah this month I've progressed into a new rank staff... so obviously more responsibility is expected and more pressure is waiting for me... however, I don't think that is an excuse for me to start jeopardizing my own timing to fit others schedule... I already finish my work, well at least the major parts within the dateline despite having trainings to attend or e-learnings to settle in between the timeline... I didn't force myself burning midnight oil to create more time to takeover others work... I am new too, I am blur too, I need to figure out a few things on my own too... I didn't go through all those headache or chest pain for nothing, I did it hoping to produce the best outcome for the Team... people simply "stating oh you're good, you're able to do so I knew it" doesn't mean anything if that's the excuse you guys are using to put more expectation and continuously take advantage of me... but then again, my mind will go back to... "No Arfa, this is just part of the journey, everyone above you went through the same things before... It is just part of the hurdles that you need to face to reach your goals and dream"... and here I am back to the self blaming hole... for being so weak, guilty conscious burying me deeper and deeper... Due to your sudden "selfish" concept/mindset your team may be in bigger trouble... but seriously I am not sure anymore... I am kinda tired, one thing for sure is that... for this past few months, I am not being myself and I Hate It!... I just hope I am able to finish this chapter on a good note, and start a new one with a better version of myself.

Another birth day~

11 August 2021... 23 years old me.. another year went by I guess... while age is just a number but we can't change the fact that a lot happened throughout the period, and those are called experiences, memories, lessons, history... those are what makes each year a new year to everybody... to some, a day can feel like a year, to others, a year can feel like a mere seconds.. and the feeling came from how we defined those moments that each of us went through during the year...As I did every year, I wrote the last line and start a new chapter yesterday... I still have no idea what the plot will be this time, but the first page of the chapter wasn't that bad.. had a good day yesterday thanks to all the wishes and sweet treats from you guys (Hazirah, Jess, Ryan, Jing Xuan, Along n Kak Ifah) ... I would be lying if I said my day went by smoothly... there are some tears here and there too.. but I guess some events that happened in the previous chapter help me to be more prepared and more open minded, give me more strength to push aside all the negativity and just focus on what important in front of me... stop being so greedy and just be grateful with what I have... thinking back about previous chapters, there is sure a lot of lesson learnt and lots of emotions involved... I hope in this new chapter the main character can have a healthier character growth and have more self-love... I think I did torture myself a bit too much a few months back... not knowing who am I proving myself to, blindly thinking that my actions can somehow change something in the surrounding... so again, I hope in this new chapter, with a new title given to me a few week ago, I can be someone that I can proudly share my story in the future... Arfareena, your path will only be tougher as you take each step into the journey, but I know! I know that you are more capable than what you have shown all this while, a few months back, you had some thoughts that you promise yourself to never ever think about... let's not have that mindset again, now is not the time to back down... This too shall pass~