wow...that is a long week~

I can't put down this book titled "Arfa's Adventure"... every pages of the book give me new view of life... this week has been superrr long for me...I don't know even know what actually happen...but one thing I'm sure of, I am so damn tired hahaha... so major events that happened during the week can be split into good and bad...so let's start with bad first... so last Thursday as I mentioned, I had to go to the office...but unlike last week..this week I went a bit late, and compared to last week the traffic is a bit heavy...so to get straight to the point...I had a small accident...which didn't affect much on me but the other party's car does scratch at the front bumper area...and due to my car being sturdy than I thought it will be... the other party wanted me to pay for the bill... after discussing with Abah, we decided to just lodge the police report since at the end of the day I may need to pay something...so when I reach office, everyone kinda worried about me but once they know that I'm fine, they seriously get straight to work...so that morning we did have a small meeting...but due to the accident instead of focusing on my work...I had to deal with the other party to make the police report...so 1 hour or so before lunch break I excuse myself to go to the police station...and yeah the annoying thing is throughout the day...there are always something that happen on the road that affect the way I drive...let's just say that day I feel like I'm taking JPJ test again... although at the end police conclude that I'm at fault but let us take that as another life lesson...So yeah~mark 3 September 2020 is the day Arfareena received her first fine.. now let's move on to the good thing...honestly, I don't know whether this can be considered as good news or not...but to be a positive person, I'll take it as a good news for now...last Wednesday, Wan Ling my A2, said that she has something to tell me...so we had a call..and during the call she said that she mentioned my name to our manager, Casandra as a suggestion for recurring staff...so recurring staff meaning that I will be selected to be in Ambank engagement again after this...I had a talk with my counsellor way before I joined this engagement...and one of the thing that she told me was, to be recurred in one of the big client in EY shows how good you are in your work...cause these big clients, they can be picky about who their auditor are...and we have a reputation to hold on too...so unless you did an excellent job you might not be selected as a recurring staff... so here is where I don't understand whether it is a good news or not...cause first of all when she offered me that, I haven't properly started doing anything at all apart from, yeah like I mentioned above, calling client and doing the same thing again and again...I did ask her, are you sure that I am able to perform my work well?... are you sure in picking me as the recurring staff is a good thing? she said everything can be teach and learn...so if I'm willing than she will inform our manager about it...she also mentioned that not everyone actually willing to stay...to be real honest...it is tough, there are a lot of things I don't actually understand how it works...but at the same time I can't deny the fact that having this opportunity can help boost my reputation and at the same time teach me a lot about auditing... maybe doing something I've done before will also helps in improving my confidence level and be more resolute in making a decision in the future... I cried actually that night...cause I don't know whether this is a blessing or a challenge...but what makes me agree to the offer is because, opportunity like this didn't come to you often...and I keep saying this, everything that happened...every path that is set in front of me has their own reason, has their own objectives and their own ending...so let's hope that I can continue giving my best to the team...that's all hahaha...I need to turn my laptop on again tonight to complete a web learning...so for now, I want to rest hahahahah...chau~

experience change you~

 It's interesting that no matter how we hate adventure, it always come and give you a whole lots of experience... and yes that experience will change you... but either for better or for worse, it is all for you to define... there may be experiences that help you to see how cruel life can be, but again there are experiences that shows you how magnificent life is, by never running out of colors to help you paint a picture in your journey... I always mentioned this principle that Abah taught me, take one step at a time... it is easy to understand cause by taking one step at a time you can see things more clearly and at the same time, you able to control your pace... but as I grow older, I find another meaning to this phrase... by taking a step at a time, it makes you value all the steps you have taken, to be where you are... cause every step you take is taken after considering all the consequences and possibilities to happen...of course you may have taken a wrong step once throughout your journey, but imagine if you didn't take those steps...will you reach where you are now?... and of course there are also situations where we wonder, should we be where we are now, is this the place we are aiming to when we took our first step?... thus, there are doubts in life that act as shadows and haunts when our guide light runs out of batteries haha... let me share a quote from "Dream High"..."all these 'if and 'what if'... if you keep going backwards like that, none of us should have ever been born"...it's simple, stop questioning when did you take the wrong step, instead seek for a step that can lead you to where you are going to... every one of us have their own goal/aim in life... and sometimes these aims changes as we move closer to it...so do we need to start from the starting line again just because we have a different goal now?...no! why?...cause you won't change your goal at the first place if you didn't go through all those steps...I am facing this problem called "fear of the unknown"...but I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one having this issue...but I'm trying my best to deal with it, and of course by taking a step at a time...another quote, this time from "Just between lovers(Rain or Shine)"...this is a conversation between a hard headed halmeoni(grandma) and a hot headed boy..."Living is a repetition of regrets and failures","Then what's the point of living?","It's to make even better regrets and mistakes, so don't be a scaredy-cat"...you might not get the message by reading it in a glance so let me share another quote from "Radio Romance"... "The post-it(memo pad) was a failed product while trying to make a strong adhesives. A failure that became a hit. Keep jumping into things that are failures so you can turn the failures into success"...get it? sometimes having regrets and mistakes aren't that bad...as I said earlier, those are all experiences that help you to create a lifetime journey for yourself... k I think let's stop sharing anymore quotes from dramas hahaha... but seriously, these are one of the reasons why I like watching such dramas, of course apart from the visuals and the cinematography, these drama can actually teach you a lot about life in general... that's why I don't understand people that judges such dramas without even watching them...or people who watch out of following the trend...at the end of the day they didn't gain anything from it... I'm not saying only kdrama has this elements... scripts that teach us about life,love,career can be found in most drama shown in TV...no matter what language it use...plot can be cliche in some drama...not just that, sometime they are super cringy to watch...but putting those things aside, a great scripts truly differentiate a quality drama from others... hahaha...why Arfa suddenly giving these random lectures today hahahah...I don't know, I just feel like each day, I learn something new without realising it... I hope that I can continue taking steps that guide me to where I want to be, and I hope all these lessons learnt and experiences gained help me in becoming a person that I want to be...hehehe...Hwaiting Nur Arfareena Arman!!!

chilly night

 I'm trying a new spot to clear my mind... I think staying in bed, staring at my TV can't help to clear my mind that well anymore... so today I decided to open the balcony door and just stretch my "long" legs at the balcony while breathing in the "fresh" air, at the same time admiring the "view"... yeah so 1 week has passed since my 2nd engagement started... thank God I didn't go through the same breakdown phase, but I still feel weak every morning... I still wake up rushing to the toilet cause I felt nauseous and etc... but I still can cope with everything that happened.. well at least for now... maybe because everyone has been helpful to me...so it does reduce the burden to settle everything on my own.. I remember on the very first day of the engagement, I communicate with an A2 who is directly above me... apparently, he is on break but without knowing me before or even chat with me prior to this engagement... he sent something that makes me cry hahahha... it sounded something like this," take it easy, don't be too stress trying to figure out everything on your own"... that seriously help me a lot... especially after all the seniors mentioning how being engaged with one of the biggest client will make you lose your sanity real quick...cause everything is super strict and rigid... and the client themselves can be super nasty to deal with...the pressure to face the due date is not a joke... well to be honest, looking at the time schedule given, it is not a joke at all... but yeah as I said, so far everyone has been kind enough to help the slow me... so hopefully we can keep this pace for a long time... well at least enough to make sure I can deliver my work without delaying others works... currently, my work involve dealing with client, conduct an interview, call for sample selection... clarifying my understanding on their processes... making sure whether any changes can lead to any new impact to their control or not... and ALHAMDULLILAH... so far all the clients I have to deal with, well aren't friendly, but surely not nasty... maybe they sort of know that I am young and new...so they treat me like a sister/daughter instead..I'm not sure whether it is a good thing or not cause, yeah obviously I need to keep being professional...but I don't know if my professionalism is clearly shown or not... but one thing I learnt from my dad, just be nice to everyone especially your client, cause you never know when this connection will come in handy... ya ya it is like the philosophy friend with benefit... but that's what life is all about right... anyway, starting next week, every Thursday I have to go to the office...hopefully everything will go on smoothly, there is still a lot to learn... hope being able to meet my team next week can help me to at least feel like I belong somewhere... enough with this boring topic... hmmm since I don't know what else to share... I'm ending this awkward and meaningless post here haha... so again goodluck Arfareena, hope you have a happy and cheerful life... remember all hard work will be paid off... believe in His planning, Insyallah success is waiting for you.. just be patient... Hwaiting!!

 yup this post has no title...cause this is a continuation of previous post... another appreciation post to Hazirah si Setan Kecik!!... she told me last week that there will be a surprise waiting for me this weekend... and it turns out that she contacted Mama asking for my address to send me a gift... a cute brownie, with 4 different toppings to be exact hahahaha.. yesterday noon, I received a call from the delivery man asking me to go to the lobby to fetch the brownies... being super excited I send her the pic of the brownies and even made a vid of it hahaha... but the main reason I am making this post is not because of the present... but it is because of the reason behind the present...she said that she decided to send me the present because I told her about how I had a breakdown for the past few weeks... she said hopefully the present can at least help to cheer me up... I may joke around during the chat with her...but only God knows how touched I am for her action... how grateful I am to have you as a friend... It doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate the rest of my friends who send me their wishes and blessings but.... it's just the fact that she is one of a few that is aware of my current updates...one that take notice of my emotion/mood does make a difference... what else can I ask for from a friend... I am honestly scared to wish that we can keep this friendship going...cause throughout my life, I feel like friendship is like something luxurious for me... It is rarely available for me, but once I have it I treasure it well...but like most luxury item, it is not for everyone to own... I went through quite a number of different definition of friend in my life... and I am aware that I am not the only one having this kind of thought... which somehow helps me to grow up with the mindset of a lone ranger... but having these type of people around people like me... brings a different spark in life, that is something I can hardly describe in words... What can I say now is, Thank you! Thank you for putting up with my randomness... thank you for helping me to be who I am today, every one of you does shape me to be ME in a way or so... thank you for considering me as one of your friend, at least once in your life... Hazirah, aku doakan kau success in both life and hereafter... keep trying your luck cause insyallah setiap usaha tu ada hasilnya... setiap kejadian ada hikmahNya... never give up... Chaiyok! Hwaiting!... aku harap friendship ni boleh go on until kita tua... walaupun kau akan tua awal dari aku tapi by then aku harap kau tak decide nak putuskan this relay la hehehe... so far the longest friendship I had is with Jeng Jeng hahaha.. around 15 years bai~! but yeah... hope I can continue counting these friendship meter with the rest yang considered me as friend jugak... so finally, to everyone that has once walk into my life... I'm Sorry and Thank You~ Peace.

Thank you weyh

Sumpah sedap.. choc tak manis sngat, caramel masin2, strawberry tak masam..Noice

double 2 in 2020

Officially 22, this year I'm celebrating my birthday alone in this cute home... so let's start with appreciation corner hahaha... so last night the first person to message me is none other than my sister, Kak Ifah... seawal 11:37pm kau~... sebab kak kami kena tidoq awai tapi tak mau terlepas jadi part of early wisher crew hahahah... But Ina pun end up tidoq awai jugak semalam..sebab saya pun bekerja ok pagi ni... so all the wishes received last night dibalas pagi ni... so thank you to Dhanya and Fatin for the early wish... tak expect pun actually especially from both of you sebab..well dah berapa lama kan we "lost" contact... dah berapa lama we have no idea about each others update...tapi tu la...as time went by, I don't care about all this anymore...to everyone that used to know me, I've told you once before, as long as you are willing to talk/chat/meet/whatever with me, I can be cool with you guys...anyway put that aside... siapa lagi yang wish...hmmm oh yeah thank you jugak Faiz walaupun as always with his weird meme HUH!... and then JENG JENG!! thank you for always reaching out to me, and for treating me like a buddy...after all these years...siapa sangka lawak2 15 years kot~ hahaha...let's keep the number going...hope to see you soon, boleh la gebang about others lagi hahahah...moving on, thank you to Naqibah my twin hahaha we share the same birthdate..and we find out about this fact during our orientation weeks in Intec... thanks to that, kitorang end up berkawan laa...Oh yeah almost forget, thank you jugak to Kak Nad for the wishes through Alang...and to everyone that wishes through Mama's Facebook post... appreciate all the wishes and blessings...Special thanks to Hazirah, effort kau buat videoeh, dah la guna lagu Ost Go Go Squid hahaha... thank u weyh, aku doakan kau dimurahkan rezeki, dipermudahkan segala urusan kau...insyallah kau boleh dapat apa yang kau nak... jangan stop usaha, jangan persoal kelayakan kau..sebab aku yang nampak usaha kau, aku berani cakap...kau layak untuk dapat apa yang kau impikan.. tinggal yakin dengan percaturan Nya, kita hanya mampu merancang, Dia lebih mengetahui..banyak bersabar ja... tapi apa2 pun aku tau kau sayang aku ahahahaha..buktinya,ni dah vid keberapa kau edit untuk aku hahah 

Done with that general plus special appreciation post, now masa untuk emotional skit hahahaha maklum la saya sensorang disini so melayan emosi ja la mampu~ hehe.. anyway... I woke up this morning with tears and that is thanks to Along and Mama... as mentioned in my previous posts, I've been through, I will say it is, my first obstacles for the past few weeks...and this small family of mine is the only person that knows what happened, concern about my wellbeing and always be there for me with all the supports and advices that I need... and I really need them to put me back in my place... to keep my head held high... to be more positive and ready to face this challenges head on... Thank you again Mama, Abah, Along, Kak Ifah, Alang for being there when I need you guys the most... no matter how late I reach out to you...you guys seems to always be there pulling me into your warm embrace and makes me feel secure again...I don't know how many times I should write this to let you know how much I love to be part of this family, how much I appreciate having you guys as my parents and siblings... how lucky I am to be the youngest and the only daughter to receive all these support and encouragement from all of you...

Love you my guardian angel

real tsundere style bro.. he seems to not care at time.. but once he does I can't take it..T_T

thank you Mama and Abah for this new toys

just a simple beef, potato n carrot dish to celebrate my birthday.

Abah remind me again about this yesterday... in order for us to be happy in life, the only thing we need is.. Grateful...be grateful and you will see that life is not always unfair/hectic/stressful... life in unpredictable but that what makes life more fun and interesting... at least it makes you anticipate tomorrow more after all the things that happened today or yesterday... 

Reena, I just want to wish you a happy birthday...I pray that you can be who you wanted to be while staying true to yourself... remember all the obstacles, challenges and struggles that lead you to where you are now... and let's not forget all the joy, cheers, blessing you received as they are those that make sure you remain at the right path.

Let stop all this nonsense

 As mentioned in my previous posts... I went through another journey of my life, facing a new challenge that triggers all the negativity in me to show themselves proudly... thanks to that, my parent ended up visiting me here... in fact a day before they came here.. I had my final breakdown... an engagement that I thought will end once my booking period is over seems to be endless then... I make a lot of mistakes, like really stupid mistake...I wasn't careful and meticulous enough in doing my work which makes it appear like all I did throughout the week is wasting everyone's time... not just that, at the same time, I feel like all of my effort and hard work around the clock gone to waste as it didn't help to progress my reviewer's work... well that is all my negativity talking of course... I tried to justify my wrongdoing by saying that it is normal for a newcomer to make mistake.. someone should understand that you can't get it right at the very first try... just like how I mentioned in my first semester in Intec... There is Always a first for everything... but yeah the pressure is real... I'm not even kidding when I say, that my whole body start shaking every morning, every time I saw my reviewer's status is available... let's not even mention when she decided to call me all of a sudden... but lucky me, despite all the tension that I felt, I am blessed with a supportive teammate and of course a kind enough reviewer that help to correct all of my mistakes... of course throughout the engagement I do think some of her action is ridiculous and hard to predict.. but at the end of the day, she helps me a lot to prepare my work the way it should be prepared... currently, I don't know whether I've completed my part or not...after the meeting she had with our partner last Friday, I didn't received any update on that, I just keep on updating her in regards to all the documents that are still pending from client...maybe because I tell her about my parents being with me throughout the weekend... she stop contacting me since Friday till now.. hopefully she continue doing so hahahah... what is left now is just for me to follow up with client about all the pending documents... this Monday, I'll be having another meeting with my new engagement team.. this time, I'll be in an engagement till October... so hopefully, I understand better on what to do, what to expect, I am able to be more prepared, matured and of course be more stable in both my mental and physical state... 

Now let's talk about my family... my parents has been with me throughout my engagement, everyday my mom and sometimes my dad will hear my complaints, comfort my unstable thoughts, shares experiences they went through or heard from their friend.. helping me to understand.. that what I am going through now is a normal growing up process in life... them being here honestly calm me down.. a lot.. I really wish that, I can go on with my work without having to make them worry anymore about me... I really hope that I can learn to balance my life well so that they can at least know that I am staying healthy and happy in between all of the workload... They have sacrifice a lot for me and I really hope that I can repay that as soon as possible... I really wish that I become stronger and more reliable... I really want to erase that weak, spoilt, childish, "high maintenance" image that people have about me... I really do.. I know I can, so please give me more chances and time to change myself... to my brothers and sister... you guys help me in your own way... all the video call, random chat at night, calls we had may be just a simple act as brothers and sister to you guys.. but it means a lot to me.. at least in between all those tears during the weeks.. I had a good laugh and of course some great screenshot of your funny faces too... I may not show my emotion well.. but one thing for sure is... I love being in our family... this small family of mine... thanks for coming along with me in this small journey~ <3

it's overwhelming

today mark one month I'm experiencing this new world of mine....I thought that I will be assigned to an engagement next month.. but rezeki came knocking on my door last week's Thursday. I was supposed be in this engagement starting last Monday.. but my reviewer called me that Thursday night.. at 7pm to be exact.. she told me what to do and etc...and thus began my first official job in this journey... It is undeniably overwhelming, I mean.. I do understand, in fact this is what I expect it to be... but I can't describe in words the experience actually... my inferiority complex, insecurity and lack of confidence makes everything worse..to be real honest... I've been bawling my eyes out everyday now... it is a lot to take in at one... Abah has been comforting me saying that it is normal since it is my new experience.. I am not yet familiar with everything... and worse I am working from home and I am living alone... I find it hard to ask question to someone as they are also busy with their works.. at the same time being all alone without any sound kinda turn me into a less sane person I guess... I get why some people are concern that I am staying alone... but I don't think this feeling will last forever... I know, I believe in a NEAR future this emotions/thoughts/mindset will let me go and stop bothering me again... but for now, I find it super hard to stop these tears...I just miss my family so much.. today I decided to call them since morning.. cause yesterday was a looonnnggg day for me... I insist them not to hang up the phone...they can continue doing anything they want...just don't leave me with loneliness cause I personally hate It... I've been asking It to leave me since I'm in Intec.. and I thought It has left... apparently there is a hole in my thoughts that lead him back to my mind...I wish/hope/pray that everything can be calm again... my next engagement has been set... it will be on the 2nd or 3rd week of August.. most probably after my birthday... maybe once I am officially 22 I'll be a bit more mature, stronger...everything positive laa hahaha...don't know what to do now.. obviously not gonna turn on the laptop again tonight..I guess it is time to sleep..so chau~ oh and selamat hari raya haji, ps: mode raya tak da but makanan raya ada la.. Mama ajaq masak rendang ayam hehehe... ok bye